Kent has glasses!

The day after we got home from Island Park, I noticed one of Kent's eyes was turning in. It looked super weird, but I didn't think too much about it. It did it a few more times over the next couple weeks so I thought maybe he had lazy eye. Because it didn't do it everyday I wanted to get an appointment as soon as I could get in hoping it would be doing it when he had an eye appointment. I was able to make an appointment for the morning after I called. It was just with an optometrist, and my pediatrician had suggested making it with an ophthalmologist, but I wanted to get in quick, so I decided to go anyway. The doctor dilated his eyes. He said it wasn't a lazy eye, but he was far-sighted. His eye would turn in because they got so tired of trying to focus on things up close. He had Kent watch a show on the ipad while, the doctor put different lenses up to his eyes to see how his eyes reacted. I still don't know how he chose the right prescription, I hope it is right. We ordered his glasses that same day and less than two weeks later he is wearing them. Kent hates them. If I can get them on him and get him to not think about them, he will wear them. It is so hard for me to keep track of where he has taken them off when he does finally remember they are on and pulls them off. I am still taking him to a pediatric ophthalmologist, so to double check his prescription. I wanted an opinion from someone that deals with kids on a more regular basis.

Kent in glasses is seriously the cutest thing ever! He has people commenting on them all the time, because he is just a stud!

Emmett's pictures

In the hospital there are a lot of free services available when you deliver a stillborn. People that have also been through loss that want to help others. We were able to get free molds of Emmett's hand and foot that are seriously so precious. There was also a professional photographer that came the night Emmett was delivered to take photos for us. These are some of my favorite!

 

 

 

 

 

Emmett's Graveside

Saturday, September 3rd we had a small graveside service for Emmett. It was so perfect. Exactly what Matt and I had in mind.

Shannon came and picked up my kids in the morning. Matt and I ran to the store to buy a blanket for Emmett and a picture frame to display his picture on his casket. We went to the mortuary around noon. Matt and I had bought Emmett a blessing outfit the day before so we went early to dress him. I couldn't do it. He was so fragile. Matt and the mortuary worker, Tim Neal (who was also amazing!) were able to carefully dress him. I put his blanket in his casket, Matt set him in and I bundled him up. He looked so sweet. Matt and I had a few minutes with him there at the mortuary. We said a prayer together and said goodbye to Emmett's physical body for the last time. 

The graveside was out in Plain City. When we first got there, Emmett's picture was sitting out and Kent kept pulling people up to the picture to show them baby Emmett. Then he would tell us he loved baby Emmett. It was seriously the sweetest thing ever. Even the mortuary worker told me that Kent had completely stolen his heart. It was awesome to have everyone in both mine and Matt's family there, even Michael came. Our bishop was there and the first counselor who Matt works with in the Young Men's was there. Once we were ready to start, Matt carried the casket from the limo to the site.

Our Bishop, Doug Hunt, conducted the service. We sang 'I Am a Child of God' then Mark gave our opening prayer. Matt wrote a letter to Emmett the first day we got home from the hospital telling Emmett how much each of us in our family loved him and how we would have shown that love to him. It was pretty amazing, and my favorite part of the whole service. Joe read it and he read it so perfectly! Marianne bore her testimony and did an excellent job. I don't know if I have ever heard her bear her testimony before. Then we sang 'Families Can Be Together Forever' and my dad gave the dedicatory prayer. He also did a wonderful job. I wish i could remember more of what he said in his prayer, but I do remember loving it.

My kids have been so loving the past week. I have had more hugs and kisses than I could ever count. I love this picture of me and Maggie.

Kent might not completely get what is going on right now, but he knows he loves baby Emmett.

It still seems surreal that Matt and I lost our sweet Emmett. We have four kids, but will still continue to raise just three. Emmett must have been too special to come to this world, but I miss him like crazy. I keep reminding myself that going through the terrible recovery that I am going through was not in vain, I was still able to provide a body for this special spirit! As hard as all of this is, it is still a blessing to have Emmett come to us.

The love and support we have felt from our friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances has been absolutely amazing! Our family is such a blessing in our lives!

Emmett Mark Jenkins

On Wednesday, August 31st, I had a routine doctor visit with Julia Johansson. I was 37+ weeks. I dropped kids off at school, dropped Kent off at Meri's and headed to my appointment. Once I got in, Julia started the ultrasound. She measured his head and said it looked perfect. She guessed his weight to be about 6.14. She looked for the heartbeat and there wasn't one, she didn't say anything, she just kept doing the ultrasound. She looked again and I stared at a blank line on the screen. She still didn't say anything. I asked her where the heart beat was and she said she was still looking. She then asked me when was the last time I had felt him move. At this point, my heart sank. I couldn't remember. She then told me she couldn't find a heart beat and was going to go find another doctor to double check. I asked her to find Dr. Housel, who was my doctor for my three other deliveries (I went to Julia this time for insurance purposes, but I was so not impressed with her at all.) Dr. Housel came in and looked on the ultrasound for a minute. I don't remember exactly what he said, I was pretty hysterical at this point. He said something about no blood flow and the umbilical cord. He said sorry, there was no heart beat. Both doctors left so I could get dressed. I called Matt, who was working in Park City. When he answered all I could say was you need to come home now, our baby has no heart beat. Julia came back in and told me that I would deliver my baby that day. I told her I wanted to do it as soon as Matt could get home from Park City. So I headed home from the doctor's office in complete unbelief and shock. I called all of my family to let them know. My mom said she would meet me at my house. She got there the same time I did, then my dad came, and Stephanie. They stayed with me until Matt got home. When Matt got home he gave me a blessing and we headed to the hospital. 

I checked in and not too long after Julia came and broke my water. After that I progressed on my own, with no pitocin. I got my epidural and just waited for a couple hours as I progressed. I delivered Emmett at 3:37 pm. He was 7 lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. It finally started to sink in that I had just delivered an angel baby. Emmett was completely limp and I could hear no cries, other than my own in that hospital room. As soon as his feet were delivered, we could see the umbilical cord was tied in a complete knot around Emmett's right ankle. It was cinched so tight that it had cut off all supply to Emmett. As hard as all of this is, at least I have an answer. Julia told me she would run every test she could to see if they could find out what happened, but as soon as she saw the umbilical cord there was no need. We could visibly see what had happened to take away my sweet Emmett. The nurses (who were an absolute blessing to me) wrapped up my sweet baby Emmett and I held him for the first time. He was absolutely perfect. A sleeping angel in my arms.

 All four of my children are blessed with the most amazing dad! To see Matt's heart breaking was almost more than I could handle.

 My parents came in right after I delivered to meet Emmett.

 Matt went to Meredith's to get our kids. He talked to them on the way to the hospital telling them that Emmett had died and was living with Heavenly Father. When they got to the hospital I honestly didn't know what to say or do. It is hard when I don't even know how much they understand. Corbin was sweet. He told me that Emmett is with Heavenly Father now, but we would be able to see him when we were resurrected. 

 My kids didn't want to hold him, but I am glad they were able to see him.

 We are now a family of six!

 We were able to spend the rest of the day with Emmett. There was a lot that went on that day. All of our amazing family came to visit. The share program took Emmett to do casts of his hands and feet that they give to us. A professional photographer came in and did a small photo shoot with Emmett and Matt and I. When things finally calmed down Matt and I just sat and held him. Soaked in all the precious memories we could fit in.

Emmett was then taken to the morgue for the night. The next morning when they brought him back to me he looked just as perfect. Again Matt and I were able to spend some precious moments with our Emmett. Then Curtis Smout, another blessing in the midst of our trial, came to take Emmett to the mortuary. I handed my precious baby to the nurse and watched him be carried out of my room. This was by far the hardest moment of my entire life. To hand over my baby and see him go. Luckily, I knew he was in good hands.  

I was able to be discharged from the hospital just an hour later. Walking out of the hospital with only a box of keepsakes was another surreal moment. I love the time I was able to spend with my Emmett Mark and will cherish it forever. I obviously don't know why Heavenly Father gave me this trial of taking my precious Emmett, but I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father and the knowledge that I have of his plan of Happiness. I look so forward to the day when I will be able to see my Emmett again!